hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
