Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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