I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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