I think my vagina is haunted
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
