Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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