All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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