I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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