Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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