Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am available for nakedness
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
