A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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