So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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