i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
