her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
