Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
