I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
