I accidentally had phone sex last night
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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