just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is Oprah even human
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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