i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
