i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize