when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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