Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
