I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
