dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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