he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
