There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
