the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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