By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
