Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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