If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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