i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
