I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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