glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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