Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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