Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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