May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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