he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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