so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
