..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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