Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
