3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
