i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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