just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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