So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
