it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
