Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
