Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
