Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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