I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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