OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
