I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
