I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
