Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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