The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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