I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we made out on top of his cat.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
