Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The convent might be a nice break from real life
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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