Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
