we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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