just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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