remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
