gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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