dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
