Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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