You made me cry and you don't even care
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize