Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
