where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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