you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
