So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
