dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
