I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
